Relationships can be so hard

People.

There are times when I am so confused as to why things are the way they are.

Loads of things are logical.

But relationships? Those can be just so darn complicated.

I love my husband, but right this very moment I don't like him very much.

The kids and I hadn't seen him in over 5 1/2 months. We were all excited to see him.

But I am sad.

My husband didn't seem to have any interest in being near me.

He seemed so blase about the situation.

When I sat on the couch, I sat next to him.

When we were in the pool, I tried to be near him.

I attempted to initiate physical contact and it didn't seem like he wanted to reciprocate.

It felt like...I was a bother.

When I went to hold his hand in the car, he didn't take my entire hand as he would normally do. He took a couple fingers around my left pinky.

So I don't know what's going on.

I'm confused.

I'm worried.

I have no idea what he's thinking about us. Our marriage.

Do I still have a marriage?

Is it falling apart because of the physical separation?

Is he seeing someone there while I'm here?

[sigh]

I can only trust in the Lord and believe that He has a plan for me and the kids.