Monday, August 22, 2011

I'm sure it's going to be coming

Sunday morning I woke up with a start.

I was in the midst of a fabulous dream and it made a turn for the worse.

I dreamed that my husband and I were able to see each other.

I ran to him, threw my arms around him, and kissed him.

I felt SO happy in my dream. I could feel the giddiness of my heart to finally have his arms around me.

Then it happened.

He looked down into my eyes and said "I want a divorce".

Granted, this was a dream.

But those words coming from his mouth woke me abruptly.

My heart was racing, but not in a good way. I could feel the anxiety that had started in my dream bleed over into my awakened state.


The Hubs called the LG later on that day. After both kids talked to him, the BB handed the phone to me.

We chatted for a minute about nothing really. I then told him that I'd had a bad dream. I gave him the brief snippet of my dream that ended with him making that statement.

Me: I don't have to think about that, do I?
Hubs: [pause] Well, you're there and I'm here.
Me: What?
Hubs: I mean, you're there and I'm here. And I have no idea when or if I'll ever get out there.
Me: So you're still planning on coming out here for Labor Day though, right?
Hubs: I may just be out there for LG's birthday.
Me: Oh...

I was flabbergasted that he'd even say anything like that. And then he just shut down. I was too stunned to really dig into the topic logically.

I was expecting him to come down for Labor Day weekend. This way he'd be able to watch his son play his 2nd football game. And then we'd be able to celebrate his birthday. I've ordered a birthday present for him already and I was so excited to give it to him.

And now this...

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Still on pins & needles

My husband and I have still not discussed our situation.

I haven't brought it up.

He hasn't brought it up.

Are we both in a state of denial?

Or does he just not see it?

I definitely see it.

I definitely feel it.

There's a tension that exists for sure in my mind.

Tomorrow is Sunday and he plans on calling the kids.

We'll see if he ends up talking with me. Even if he does talk to me he probably won't bring up how he's feeling. [sigh]

But life goes on. I'm still working hard. The kids are getting ready for school. We go on.