I am more comfortable with where things stand with PD and myself.
But I must admit that I am not relaxed about our relationship.
You might wonder if I've forgiven PD...and I have. Really.
In my heart, I have forgiven him. It's something that comes from my heart.
But I now know that things aren't necessarily going to be easy. Our relationship might not actually be as I see it. I might think one thing while (in reality) they are going downwards.
I have to admit that I think that I'll always have some doubt about the stability of our marriage.
Is he really happy?
Is he just telling me what he thinks I need to hear?
Will he ever leave me again?
I mean, he left me once (even though I didn't know it), so it can happen again.
He has the ability to be deceitful to me -- that totally blows my mind.
He can keep an entire portion of his life a secret from me.
I know that I could not and would not do anything like that to him. Ever. So I would have thought the same of him. [sigh]
But my love for him remains strong even in the midst of the doubt.