When I was young, I figured that if someone wanted a divorce that you should just let them go.
That was me as a young'un.
Now that I'm faced with the reality of a divorce, I'm changing my sense of what I need to do.
I've been married for more than 15 years and I wasn't going to take a potential divorce lying down.
I'm a fighter.
And I wanted to keep my marriage intact.
I told my husband exactly that.
I seriously don't think he expected me to say that I wasn't giving up.
That I wasn't going to just accept his decision.
I spoke to him on Monday morning.
I spoke to him again tonight.
It was about 20 to 25 minutes max.
But I brought up a LOT of things.
And he listened.
I could hear the cogs turning in his brain as my words came over the phone lines.
I could hear the hesitation.
The last two days were MOST we've talked about our relationship in ages.
There (of course) is still the potential for a divorce but I'm working on our communication.
I think THAT was what was missing in last months.
We talked about stuff with the kids.
We weren't really talking to each other about WHAT we were feeling.
I think that's why he hasn't felt like we were married.
We weren't talking like a married couple.
We were talking clinically to each other like acquaintances.
I think our last two conversations has broken down the walls a bit.
I think that hearing MY voice break brought him to a reality that I was truly devastated by his decision.
Hopefully we'll continue to talk.
To rebuild our relationship.
To talk about our true feelings in the raw -- not covered up and explained all pretty.
To discuss what we mean to each other.
I hope that our conversations will bring us closer than we've ever been until we finally can see each other again.