Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Between Marriage & Divorce - 19

We're all flawed.

I hope PD and I can forgive each others faults that brought us to this place and move beyond it.

But I do need answers. No holds bar answers to the questions burning within me. He has to know to expect my questions. I mean, I'm asking him stuff on all our calls. He should knw I'll be wanting more when he comes out.

We'll have at least 6 hours alone while the kids are at school. I'm sure we'll talk after he gets in but he'll most likely be tired. I have to admit that I'm a little scared about his visit. Because what if he realizes that his feelings are gone? That I don't measure up anymore? I'll be devastated. And that's why I'm nervous. The rejection factor. He rejected our marriage once already. What's to prevent him from doing it again?

I have only so little within my control here as I have no clue as to why he strayed in the first place. "I don't know" I seriously hate that response. It give me nothing to work with. Nothing for me to grasp onto. It doesn't give me any insight to his thought process. What the heck was going on in his head?

This is a major mid-life crisis but he needs to reflect on it. Like I said before...he needs to analyze his actions and choices. Why did you chose to go out on that date? What made you decide to stop wearing your wedding band? Why did you continue on with the affair when you felt some guilt? Why did you chose her over spending time with us? Why did you chose not to communicate with your wife? What made you fill out those divorce papers? All of these decisions/choices that I was not a part of. It was all PD. So (needless to say) I'm anxious to get some answers. Wouldn't you?

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