Thursday, October 20, 2011

Between Marriage & Divorce - 20

Do you know anyone who has experienced a mid-life crisis?

A couple months back, one of my BIL's had a break. He was actually so stressed that he almost committed suicide. He was a hair's breath away from killing himself. I couldn't believe it when my sister told me.

My BIL felt the weight of life on him -- the bills, his parents' deteriorating health, upcoming college fees, his job and everything else. It overwhelmed him. He felt useless. Like he could do nothing to pull himself out of the hole he felt he was in.

I wonder if this is how PD was feeling. Overwhelmed by the situation that was not in his control. The financial demands of keeping two households. The separation. The loneliness. Did he really feel abandoned? Unneeded? Unloved? That would be further from the truth. Because he is loved. Adored. Cherished. He just can't (couldn't) see it.

There is so much to say. Not enough time. Or that's what it feels like. I'm afraid things will come out wrong. It happens. I have a fear that I'm the only one who wants this to work out. Am I crazy to want us to come out of this a stronger and happier couple?

I can't read his mind, so I have lingering doubts on his commitment to us. I want him to put in the thought and effort needed to bring us together once more. I don't want him to assume that we're back to normal just because I told him I wanted us to stay together. I want us to work on our communication.

I want to hear about the nitty-gritty.I don't need everything to be tied into a neat bow. Give me information all jumbled up if need be. Just so that you're TELLING me something. I need details to develop my understanding the situation. Just TALK TO ME!

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