Sunday, October 23, 2011

Between Marriage & Divorce - 23

October 4

I'm pretty amazed at how much better I feel now than I did 2 1/2 weeks ago.

Hopefully our marriage has grown stronger in these past weeks. And I hope the rebuilding will continue. It all really hinges on how this visit goes. We'll be able to hang out as a family with no interruptions. Be a foursome once more.

Will it feel strange to not have others around as a buffer like in July? We haven't been alone since February. FEBRUARY! Oh my goodness! That's the LAST time I had sex. Can you believe it? That's eight months of nothing. [sigh]

If PD started up with Michelle in April, then he'd only gone 2 months without sex. TWO versus EIGHT? No comparison at all.

I'm thinking about her again. I wonder if PD's mind wanders in the day and he catches himself thinking of her. But will he admit to that? I don't know. Will he be that truthful with me? I hope so. My mind wanders during the day and I think of him all the time.

I talked to him briefly yesterday and today. I asked him something yesterday and I could tell that he was frustrated with me. Yes! I'm asking some questions over and over again. Deal with it! So I let him go after I realized his mood. Today I asked him if he was still upset with me. He said no. But I kept today's talk short and lighthearted. I let him know about BB's mood with his sister gone at camp. My son who wears his emotions on his sleeve. He loves his sister no matter what. Even when she treats him poorly.

Now, did I treat PD poorly? I don't think so. But we'll see what he says when he comes out.

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