Monday, October 03, 2011

Between Marriage & Divorce - 3

When I got into work early Friday morning of September 16, I emailed PD and asked that he give me a call so we could talk for a few minutes. I wanted to talk to him briefly about his email. I had so much going on in my head that I needed to hear his voice and hear his answers.

1. In the divorce paperwork, is there any kind of schedule in it about visiting the kids?
PD - No

2. Any mention about the house?
PD - No

3. Any mention about the additional expenses related to the kids like shoes, clothes, activities, supplies, medical and dental costs?
PD - No. Just tell me what you need and I'll give it to you.

4. Are you planning on telling the kids when you come out in October?
PD - Sure. I can do that.
Me - Because I am uncomfortable with saying anything about it. Since you made this decision, I think you should tell them.

5. Are you planning on staying at the townhouse with us or staying at a hotel when you visit?
PD - I don't know yet.

6. Was there a particular moment when your feelings changed?
PD - I don't know.

7. So is it the distance that prompted this?
PD - We have to face the reality that we're living separate lives. You're there and I'm here.

Here's the gist of what I said to him after he answered my questions:

I'm asking you all these questions because this is all new to me. You've had a few months to feel this way and get yourself organized. Until this moment, I thought we were still on our gameplan. The plan where I was in CA until you came. I was so happy when you got your new job since they have an office here. I figured it would be another year until we were all together again.

But you send me the email and drop this bombshell on me. I'm confused and I'm trying to understand the situation. You've made such a life-changing decision that affects not only me and us, but our children as well. You made this decision without even talking to me about it first.

I let him go after I said that. I knew he was at work and so was I. I just wanted to let him know that this took me totally by surprise.

I'm still shell-shocked. I have a heavy pit in my chest. I feel a devastating loss within me. Kind of like what I felt when I miscarried our first child back in Nov 2009. That was a burden that PD and I kept to ourselves for many years. I just told my sisters a couple years ago. My Mom still doesn't know about the little one that's an angel in heaven. I mean, I still love PD. I think I'm just shocked that he would do something like this to me...and the kids.

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