Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Between Marriage & Divorce - 4

I mentioned that I talked to PD the day after he told me he wanted a divorce. But yesterday I didn't list all the questions that I asked him. I wasn't sure if I should.

It took me by surprise when he answered that last question #7. I'm in CA and he's in AZ. Yes, because that was our plan. But he was supposed to follow through with his part and find a job out here. No matter how long it took. Because of that answer he gave me? I went and bit the bullet and forged to a place I didn't want to go.

8. Is there someone else?
PD - Yes.

9. When did it start?
PD - A couple months ago.
Me - June? July?
PD - June.

10. Where did you meet her?
PD - At my old job

11. Does she stay at our house?
PD - No.

12. Can I ask, who initiated it? You? Her?
PD - We both did.

13. Does she make you happy?
PD - Yes.

14. Does she make you happier than I do?
No response.

15. Is she falling in love with you?
PD: I think so.

16. Do you love her?
PD - I don't make those decisions quickly. We dated 2 years before we were engaged.

17. So you don't love me at all?
PD - I don't know.

So that's the ugly truth. Not only does he want a divorce, but he's having an affair. AN. AFFAIR!

He's choosing this woman and his relationship with her over the kids and me. The time and money he is spending with her are things I would think he'd want to spend on his children. Don't THEY take precedence in his mind? Aren't they a priority? They are my priority. But I guess he feels his happiness are what's most important right now.

I'm in the trenches with the kids all week. Monday through Friday I'm awake at 5am so I can get ready for the day. Then I wake them at 6am. Get them breakfast. Make their lunches. Make sure their homework is complete and packed. Drive them to each school. Drive to work. Work as hard as possible so I can leave at 4pm. This way I can get my boy to football practice before 5:30pm. Then after practice make & eat dinner. Finish homework up and then get them to bed. That is when I can finally have time to myself. Those couple hours. On the weekends, I clean the house and do all the laundry.

My days are filled with the kids and work. I'm not out there partying. Like I mentioned before, the only social life I've got is spending time with my family every month or so. I am the kids primary caregiver. Always have been except for those 2 weeks last year when the kids were finishing school in AZ and I was already in CA. I remember how he said that it was challenging taking care of them, working, and getting them to their activities. He did it for TWO weeks. I've been here in CA by myself for 17 months.

PD said that "I don't make those decisions quickly" when I asked him if he loved her. In my eyes, he made the decision to send me divorce papers quickly. I mean, he never talked to me about this before he let me know to expect the papers. He never talked to me about how he was feeling. NEVER. NOTHING.

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