Friday, October 07, 2011

Between Marriage & Divorce - 7

Early on that first Saturday night after I heard about the divorce, I was in a sad mood and asked my daughter for a hug. She came up to me and gave me a great hug. I kissed her on her little head and thanked her.

Before taking her shower, my girl came up and gave me another hug and a kiss good night. This time around she actually stopped to talk.

LG: Mommy, why are you so sad?
Me: It's just something Mommy is dealing with honey.
LG: It is about Papa (my father)?
Me: No, it's not about Papa.
LG: Then what?
Me: It's not something I want to talk about right now. I'll feel sad off and on for a little bit, but it'll all work out.

She gave me another long hug and went to bed. She's such a good girl (when she's not driving me batty).

I really wonder how the kids will react when PD breaks the news to them. Both kids have friends whose parents are no longer together. I wonder if the kids will go to these friends for advice and for comfort. I don't know the depth that their hearts will break. I mean, his lack of love for me shouldn't prevent him from loving his kids to the end of time, right? Will their thoughts be filled with thoughts like my own? Or will they handle it better because they don't know all the details? They'll just know PD and I will no longer be together.

Am I going to have to send them to counseling? Or will the love and guidance from my family be enough? That they're used to not having their father, since he hasn't been around much in the last 1 1/2 years. Those kids and their well-being is so important to me. My heart breaks for them.

I've been bringing the kids up on my own pretty much for the last 1 1/2 years, so not much will change. I'll just have to continue on being the primary caregiver. Be the Mom and the Dad. No break for me! I truly give kudos to all you parents who have been doing it all on your own. I truly get mentally and physically tired. How many times have I sat down on the couch and just passed out while I was sitting there in the evening after dinner? A 15 minute doze can do WONDERS to a sleepy Mom.

Thinking about my situation, it kind of is like what Kate Gosselin went through a few years ago. Her husband had an affair and then filed for a divorce. Hmmm....let her with the kids too. All SHE was doing was working and trying to bring home some bacon. Just like me. Her husband felt the need to go out and party like a single person because she was gone (aka working!). PD is doing the same thing to me. CRAZY!

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