Monday, October 28, 2013

Catching up

My life has definitely changed since I last posted in April. My divorce became final the last week in May. We told the kids the Sunday of Memorial Weekend that he would be moving the next weekend.

He called the kids from the other rooms and we sat on our two couches.

PD: We have to tell you something important. Your Mom and I are getting divorced. I'll be moving down to the house this coming weekend.

The kids looked at him and then at me. I waited for him to say more, but that's basically all he said. The silence was so loud in the room. I looked at him to prod him to go further. Nothing. I HAD to say more to them.

Me: Just know that this is something that is between me and your Dad. Our divorce has NOTHING to do with anything the two of you have said or done. We both still love you with all our hearts. It's just that me and your Dad are no longer going to be married, that's all. We're both here for you two. ALWAYS.

PD: Like I said, I'll be moving to the house this weekend. You and your Mom will stay here in this house (it's a rental). You'll come spend every other weekend with me. The rest of the time you'll be here with your Mom.

PD and I never fought in front of the kids. Even though that's the case, the kids definitely noticed that PD and I hardly ever talked anymore. I'm pretty sure my daughter wasn't surprised by the announcement as she's pretty attuned to what's going on around her. I'm sure she felt the underlying tension. My son, however, was totally taken by surprise. He's a very empathetic guy, so he definitely could feel how much I was hurt even though I didn't show it on my face.

We didn't tell them until the school year was finished, so they had all summer to get used to the split.  It's actually been an "easy" transition for me and the kids living as a family of three. I guess living in San Diego for two years without him got us all prepped for the divorce. Of course, I make sure to sit with each of them separately and talk quietly about how they're doing. They get extra hugs. They get extra kisses. When they come home from school, I wrap them up in my arms. I want them to feel secure. I want them to know they were missed. I want them to feel important. And you know what? They KNOW that I'm there for them no matter what. That I'll listen to the important and not so important things that are going on in their minds. I'll make a sad face at the not so happy stories and laugh at the funny ones. It's about listening to them. Not only hearing their words but just looking into their eyes.

While most people (including my kids) are excited that Halloween is this week...I am most excited that the new mattress and bedframe that I ordered will be delivered this week. Right now I'm still on the bed we had when we were married. And I can't wait to get rid of it. It's a piece of my past that I don't want here with me anymore. Out with the old and in with the new! Slowly but surely....the change is happening!

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