After a divorce, there are a vast majority that go through major ups and downs for a period of time. I've admitted that I have my down days (or moments), but in reality the transition to a single life has been pretty gosh darn smooth. That is in comparison to many other people who have gone through a divorce.
Each divorce can be generalized to where it sounds like every other breakup. But truthfully, every divorce is unique. Each couple is made up of different personalities dealing with it's own host of issues. Everyone responds in their own special way to situations. Each person decides to act a certain way to the ex-spouse or to the ex-family. There are pressures from family, friends, and society that some cave to.
I developed a tough skin early on in my life. Not as early as some, but by the time I was a junior in high school I didn't much CARE what others thought of me. People...I'm not saying that I was a stone cold bitch as a teen. I had A LOT of friends in high school. I just knew in my heart that people would come into and out of my life. The ones that mattered were my family. THEY were the ones who would support and love me until my last breath no matter what I did. Everyone else in my life was window dressing. Oh...I didn't treat them like they were disposable. I cherish everyone who is in my life. But I don't go about my life catering to one person or to even a group of people. Really, I just don't sway myself to fit in with anyone.
So with my divorce? I didn't tell the majority of my family anything until AFTER my divorce was finalized. I told BE and AE (my sister and my brother-in-law) before I filed my papers. The rest of my family was visibly shocked when I announced my divorce with no detailed explanation. I still REFUSE to provide them with the details. It's really too tawdry to see the light of day. I don't want anyone to know the details. WHY? Because I don't want anyone accidentally slipping and saying something in front of my children. THEY ARE WHAT MATTERS. So as you can see, even family pressure doesn't get to me. And we all know how persistent family members can be at getting to the truth.
They all know that I didn't do anything to destroy my marriage. Because if I did something specific, I would admit to it. Really, I would! I believe in living with the decisions I've made in my life. I stand by my actions wholeheartedly. If I make a mistake, I own up to it. If someone asks me to repeat something I've said (good or bad), I'll repeat myself. If I triumph, I give myself a high-five! We make CHOICES in our life. We DECIDE to tell the truth or to lie. I believe in truth, so that's why I don't cave to outside pressures. Really...it's just that simple.
Being that it was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas alone, I had a lot to do. Since they were born, I've made photo Christmas cards. This way people we don't get to see are able to see how much the kids have grown each year. Well, this year I didn't have time to get photos taken of me with the kids. We ended up getting pics taken of us when we were with my family for Christmas. It only took 5 minutes, but the pics turned out GREAT! So this year we sent out Happy New Year calendar cards. This allowed me to access who sent cards to me and the kids this past year. Only 2 out of about 25 families from my PD's side sent us a card. That's right. They cut us off in a major way. Did I choose to only send cards to the two families? NOPE! I sent our Happy New Year cards to ALL THE FAMILIES on PD's side.
Here's the blurb that the kids and I wrote up for the cards:
The kids and I want to wish you all the best for the coming year. Our hope is that you are surrounded by loved ones, are blessed with good health, and succeed in all the goals you've set for yourself in 2014. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers
That was a message that we wanted to convey to all our friends and family. Even the ones who don't consider us family anymore. For I know my ex did not send cards to anyone. I was always the one who did that. So even though his family has "disowned" me, I still want them to "see" the kids every year. Like I've said, I've developed a tough skin. My kids? I want to show them that we should always reach out to family. Ultimately, it's up to the family to take our hand or not. And by the looks of things, the out-of-towners have cut me off. That won't stop me from taking the high road when the holidays come 'round again! Oh well! LOL